Tuesday, February 10, 2009

More answers FROM Sandi

Let me tell you about the sex the second time around. It took awhile to get into the groove and let go of the past memories and habits. But when I did, the second time around is so much better.

If it hadn’t been better, I honestly don’t know if it would have worked. I LOVE sex…It plays a pretty important role in my marriage. Brandon is by far a better lover than my Ex, but not bigger than my Ex. I was worried in the beginning and stressed out about it a lot. But when he made me cum the first time, I let go of the stupid shit, like SIZE. My ex never once made me cum in our entire fifteen-year marriage. I was in charge of my orgasms, I took care of myself without him. The Ex thought the sex was fabulous, I knew it was lacking.

With Brandon, I can’t get enough of him. It is amazing. Because we spend our time together and talk and talk all day, I feel totally connected to him. He is my best friend. That makes for an amazing sex life. I am blessed!

How do we blend the new family with the old, like the extend family. There is NO blending. You could shove them all in a blender and hit puree and it just isn’t going to happen. My family is coming around, VERY slowly. My dad has been great from the get-go. My mom and siblings, not so much.

Brandon’s family…..Oh Lord, they think I am a wicked woman that stole their son, brother and loved one right out of their hands. I batted my eyes and flashed my new boobs and he up and left the church, the family, his wife and kids…..You know, they seriously think it happened like that. They don’t know me so I don’t know how they can form an opinion about me, but they don’t seem to care for me.

Here is the answer to the last four questions. Did we have a big wedding, did we invite the exes, what is the hardest thing, and why in the HELL did I do it again.

Brandon and I ran off to Vegas to get married. We certainly didn’t invite the exes, we just took Pickle. We got married when we did, because honestly, I felt pushed by our church leaders. Because Brandon and I were living together, and that is against the Mormon Church policy, they told me to get married or get kicked out of the church. It was my choice. I chose marriage. Looking back now, I should have taken the excommunication over the hasty marriage. I had unfinished business and grieving to do and I should have done it alone and privately. Instead Brandon got to watch me mourn the loss of my ex, my nuclear family and my old life. BUT, as painful as it was, it has brought us closer together and I am so grateful for the support he gave me. There may always be the question that will never be answered though, and that is, if I wouldn’t have rushed into the second marriage, could I have repaired the first one? It’s a shitty thing to think about because I LOVE Brandon with all my heart. However, there are days when the dreaded step kids are coming, when I am dealing with child-support drama, both paying and receiving, hating my exes wife and new baby, that I think, “WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!” I should have NEVER walked out on my first marriage. You trade one package of problems for another. That is the hardest thing!

1 comment:

  1. Love the thoughts. I can relate AND feel your pain Sandi. I'm on #4, hehe.

    That's right!! I've had to get re-used and re-adjusted to things four times. I think I finally got it right this time. Sigh....

    Steady On
    Reggie Girl